Square Two

May 1, 2012

Tra-la, it’s May. A lusty month, according to Lerner and Loewe. For me, it marks six months since I started tracking my period. Six months that I’ve been taking prenatal vitamins. It’s time to do a shocking thing or two, like visit my midwife and ask her what we do now.

Partners in Women’s Health has been totally rocking the last few times I’ve called to schedule an appointment. For my annual, they were able to get me in exactly a year and a day after my last annual. When I called to say I wanted to see one of the midwives as close to the first of the month as possible, and they had an opening at 9:30 this morning. I’d hoped to see Brandi because she’d already gone through the first step with me. Unfortunately for me, happily for her, she’s out on maternity leave. Instead, I saw Heather. That was okay by me. I’ve seen Heather before, and she’s also around my age, so I knew I’d be comfortable talking to her about this.

I went in armed with my list of questions. Most of them came from where Google has failed me. (Seriously. Try Googling “sperm banks kalamazoo, mi” and see what comes up. Bupkis. Where do the poor WMU frat boys go when they need beer money?) Turned out I didn’t need to ask most of them. Heather came in and almost immediately told me that it was going to be expensive, and that she wanted me to get pregnant fast, and that the best way for that to happen would be for me to go to a fertility clinic because she doesn’t have a very good success rate and fertility specialists might be able to knock me up in a couple of months, while it would probably take her six or seven to get the timing right. She’d already written down the names and numbers for two different fertility specialists, one in Grand Rapids and one in Lansing. She’d also made a note of the sperm bank most of her patients use.

I told her about the clinic in Grand Rapids that I’d found online, the one that wanted someone to claim “paternity”. She was also insulted by the metamessage. She told me to call them and that if there were any problems, I was to CALL her, to tell the nurses that she was to CALL me back. No making an appointment. She got that I’m close to ovulating, that I want to start trying as soon as possible. When she left the exam room, she asked if I needed another prescription for prenatals. I said I was still good. “We’ll write a new scrip when you’re pregnant,” she said with a smile. “Hope to see you in a couple of months, and we’ll start the next stage.”

I didn’t start to cry until I was almost home. I’m just so overwhelmed. (My blood pressure must have been fine because the nurse who did my intake didn’t say anything about it. Either that, or she scribbled a note about how stressed I probably was so quickly that I didn’t see her do it.) Thank you Pop Culture Happy Hour for helping distract my thoughts while I was walking to and from the office. A couple of deep breaths (okay, more than a couple), running the rent check down (I’d meant to take it when I left and didn’t think about it until I turned up my driveway and remembered I’d left it sitting by the door), and a bathroom break later, and I pulled out the note from Heather and my phone.

I called the clinic in Grand Rapids first because why drive to Lansing if I can drive to Grand Rapids instead? I explained that I was a single woman and that my midwife recommended them to me. I said everything Heather told me to say – I’ve been tracking my cycle for six months, I’ve been on prenatals for six months. They can see me tomorrow. I have a new patient appointment at 2. I have a feeling they won’t be able to do anything until after my next period. It’s just so soon to my next ovulation…

When I went online to see a map of how to get there, I discovered that it was the same clinic that has the weird, patronizing, paternity policy. I don’t really want to give them my money. So I called the other specialist. Turns out the number goes to his clinic at MSU. The kind receptionist there gave me the number for his fertility clinic. I called that. It went through the litany of press one for A, press two for B before taking me to the phone nurse’s voice mail box. (I couldn’t figure out what number to press, so I followed the last option of “other questions, please stay on the line”.) I called back a bit later. Again, no one answered. It was before noon, so there was no reason that a receptionist shouldn’t be answering. There was no temporary voice mail that the office was closed. After much Googling, I finally found the clinic’s website. (What is the deal with Google being so difficult when looking for fertility specialists in Michigan?) They did have an email webform, so I sent a message asking about their policy on single women and if they did inseminations at their Kalamazoo location because why drive to Grand Rapids if I can stay in Kalamazoo? Thus far it has resulted in two auto-responses from people on the distribution list who are out of the office.

I am glad that I took today off. I didn’t expect to spend it on a roller coaster. If you’re going to find yourself randomly bursting into tears, it’s much nicer to do that at home. At least if this happens at work, I can close my office door and work without having to deal with the outside world. It’s funny. Yesterday my boss commented on my “In Training, Please Do Not Disturb” sign and how it could be useful even if I’m not in training. It’s left over from when we got our new database and I had several hours of web training. It’s been taped to the inside of my door just in case I need it again. With the way my emotions have been going today, I wouldn’t be surprised if I happen to find myself “in training” with some frequency over the next few months…

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