October 28, 2012

At 9 o’clock yesterday morning, the doctor finally did what I’ve been asking for nearly six months. He tried. And I would have written about it yesterday, but I was rather incapacitated.

Needless to say, I didn’t sleep that well, and I woke up way too early. We’re talking 3 a.m. too early. Three a.m. and not fall back asleep too early. Three a.m., not fall back asleep, avoiding caffeine because I’m trying to get pregnant too early. But that’s okay because my mom and I got to the office early. And this meant I was able to pay for the appointment before it happened instead of having to take care of that after. (It’s not like they didn’t know what charges I was going to incur.)

Now, I did find this to be weird. He set the timer before he started the insemination. I would have thought he’d set it after. And, honestly, there are much more fun ways to make a baby than this. First there’s the speculum, which every woman knows is not a girl’s best friend. Then he has to find the curve of your cervix to insert the catheter. And my cervix apparently has some additional ridges to it. (My mom said she liked to think of it as being crenelated. You know, like the top of a castle’s walls. Don’t tell Todd Akin about my crenelated cervix. He might think that could shut the whole thing down.) This meant that he had to basically straighten everything out in order to guide the catheter in. He did apologize for having to do it. And he did say I would feel some cramping. And he was 100% correct about that. However, I do have to say that I never felt the catheter itself. He said that there was no backflow, removed the catheter and speculum, and said that when the timer went off, I was done cooking and was free to go. (This is why it makes more sense to me to set the timer after the insemination instead of before.) And then he left. And the door took an inordinately long time to close. It took long enough for my mom to dig her camera out of my bag (I’d forgotten mine so we brought hers) and stand next to the door staring at it while it meandered from open to shut. She even tried to give it some muscular encouragement, but it did not wish to be hurried. And then my mom took a picture so that if it does work, I have it for the baby book. The one really annoying thing about laying there waiting is that the exam table apparently lacks the piece that pulls up to rest your feet on. I could take my feet out of the stirrups, but I had no place to put them other than on the arms of the stirrups.

I’m trying to think positive but not get my hopes up too high. He said my estradiol was low, which isn’t a good sign for egg quality. I just have to keep reminding myself that both of my grandmothers were in their thirties when they got married. And one of my great-grandmothers was 50 when she had my grandmother. No matter what the doctor says, I do have a family history of women who did have children when they were “too old”.

The cramping, unfortunately, didn’t really subside. It’s Saturday, which is market day. My mom and I usually go to the farmers’ market together because then we can share produce. Sometimes a basket of potatoes is just too much for one of our households, but the perfect amount if we split it in two. Concord grapes always come in too large a bunch for one of us to eat before they go bad. And when Visser’s has their bag-of-squash sale, we know that will be plenty of squash for the both of us. Berries we rarely never share. Blackberries, raspberries, blueberries. We have no problem consuming large quantities of those with no help. Anyway, we had a debate about whether to go to market before or after my appointment. We decided that we would have to go to the market too early for late October if we went before, so we agreed to go after. It was amusing when my mom asked which exit I was getting off at. My parents’ house is kind of between two, so I usually go based on the traffic and whether or not I happen to be in the wrong lane for the first exit. When I drove past that one, she commented that I must have decided to get off at the second one. I pointed out to her that I was just going to take the business loop all the way into town, which is when she realized that that probably was the most direct route to get to the market. (She was just so accustomed to us going back to her place that she’d momentarily forgotten.) I was not moving so well. My mom needed to use the restroom, and I told her that I’d meet her there because I couldn’t walk very fast. I seriously felt like an invalid. After we’d walked through the market and were back on the side where I’d parked, my mom decided to go back for a large squash. (She has this cook-a-chicken-in-a-pumpkin recipe she wanted to try.) She asked if that was okay. I told her there was no way I could walk that much more. I sat in the car with my eyes closed while she walked back for the squash. I felt sick. I just wanted to curl up in a ball on the sofa and go to sleep. And I still had things to take care of before I went home. I needed to finish my Halloween costume. I had yarn to wind into balls. And, fortunately, I have the most amazing, awesome, bestest mommy in the whole world.

My Halloween costume became a collaborative project. I’m going to be HAL 9000. (You know. I’m sorry, Dave, I can’t let you do that. That HAL.) I’d already printed off the iron-on pieces, so they just needed to be put on the grey long-sleeve tee-shirt I’d picked up at Kohl’s earlier in the week. And since it’s a crew-neck, my mom had offered to cut and bind the neckline so that I wouldn’t choke on it but it would still be appropriate for work. So I tried on the shirt and she marked the neckline and where the iron-ons should go. (There’s a large red dot for HAL’s eye on the front and a small label that says “Heuristically Programed Algorithmic Computer 9000” for the back. It’s very subtle. People will either get it or have absolutely no clue.) She also wound my yarn while I was curled up in a ball on her sofa. I did cut the iron-ons out myself, so she didn’t do all of the work yesterday. Just most of it.

And then I went home. I don’t know if it was the weather or the lack of sleep or low blood sugar or related to the cramping from the insemination, but I had a pounding headache. I couldn’t stay upright. Getting up to go the bathroom made it worse. I went to bed at 6, listened to A Prairie Home Companion with the lights turned off, turned off the radio when the program ended, and went to sleep.

I felt much better this morning. My head is still a tad off, as is my stomach, but I can move without looking like I should be hooked to an IV. And it was knitting group today, so my mom was able to bring me my finished Halloween costume.

And in case you’re wondering, I have to wait two weeks for my blood test to find out if it worked. I can’t use a home pregnancy test because of the hCG injection. (However, if the blood test is positive, I’m totally taking a home test for the sheer pleasure of watching the stick turn blue!) Carla was so sweet about it. We discussed whether I should do it on Friday the 9th or Monday the 12th and settled on Friday the 9th so that I’ll know early enough that I can take my preemptive Aleve before my period starts. Anyway, one of the things Carla said was that if I waited, my period might start over the weekend and then I would have to deal with a needle when I didn’t have to. I’m still going on the 9th. Fingers crossed!


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