Almost Ready

December 16, 2013

I may have finished the Christmas knitting yesterday, but I still had a few presents that I needed to buy.  Fortunately, although my dad had planned to ship the Virginia presents today, he was cool with waiting until tomorrow so that I could run to Beer & Skittles and Bookbug after work today.  (The alternative was after cookie baking on Saturday.  You may recall that it was snowing.  A lot.  I really didn’t feel like adding a stop on my way home from cookie baking.  Especially when both shops are almost on my way home from work as opposed to completely out of my way when driving home from my  parents’ house.)

So I have officially gotten all of the presents for my family now.  Except for maybe the Banner Family Gift Exchange.  I might still be short something for that.  But that’s not until January, so I have plenty of time for that.  Now I just need to wrap the books for my nieces and the shaving soap for my brother.  My mom will have to wrap Jane’s mitts for me because they aren’t dry yet.  (Since I know this won’t go up until well after Christmas, I can write about what everyone is getting.  Kind of like having a three-second delay during live broadcasts.)

I’m not really ready for Christmas yet, but I’m getting there.  The CME Christmas “party” (really just lunch out treated by Dr Z) is tomorrow.  I think that will help, too.  And maybe I’ll get the ornaments on the tree one of these days.  But if I don’t get around to it, that’s okay, too.  It has lights on it; they make me happy.

And in response to my question yesterday?  I emailed that colleague and explained that I didn’t respond to her on Friday because Sofia would have been three months old that day.  I’m sure she was horrified.  She wrote back that she had no idea.  I replied that it was okay; I could tell.  If I do get pregnant again, I know I will think twice before writing about how I’m still pregnant.  I didn’t back in September.  It never occurred to me that those words might be hard for the person on the other end to read.  But now I know they might be.  As much as I try not to begrudge my friends’ (and colleagues’) happiness, it isn’t easy.  It still hurts.  I’m still jealous.  I’m still sad.  I still cry.  But I understand that there’s no malice, so when I say that it’s okay, I really do mean that.  It is okay that you didn’t know.  It is okay that you unintentionally said something that made me cry.  You didn’t know.  You aren’t a mean person.

P.S. And when I think about how you said something with no malice, I chuckle inside.  Because of Allen Sherman.  On the cover of one of his albums, his son is holding a polo mallet with it pointing to the sky, in keeping with their family motto: “with mallets towards none”.

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1 Comment

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One response to “Almost Ready

  1. Susie Redmond Schierbeek

    I’ve often thought about how, prior to my first miscarriage, I was so naive. It’s as if I had an innocence that I lost with the loss of that baby. Sometimes when friends who are pregnant for the first time say things that show they assume, understandably, all is and will be well, I really hope and pray for them that all will be.

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