Straws

January 9, 2014

Today has been…  I don’t even know what the right word is to put there.  Rough?  Hard?  Sad?  Not so great?  Okay, “not so great” is three words…  It’s been a day of little things.  Lots of little things.  And they’ve added up.  And made it hard to breathe.  Or talk.  At least without crying.

When I was dealing with yesterday’s emails, I had one from a colleague saying that she hoped my baby was healthy and growing.  So I sent her the link to my first post after Sofia died.  And I felt bad. And she felt bad.  And when I started going through my email today, I had one from another colleague saying she hoped I had a good FML.  Lather.  Rinse.  Repeat.

So I was already kind of down.  And a friend posted her 14-wk ultrasound on Facebook.  So every time I checked Facebook today, what to my wondering eyes should appear?

And the Yarn Harlot has been going on and on about what she’s been knitting for her niece and nephew.  One is two.  The other is an infant.

And then as I was leaving work, someone had brought in her new baby for show-and-tell.  And they were all gathered right in front of the doorway to the stairs.  (And I hope Marian explained to them that I blew past so quickly because I was going to cry.  Assuming she recognized that it was me from where she was standing.  She’s legally blind.  She has an excuse for not knowing that blur passing by was me.)

And they were short-staffed at Harding’s, so there wasn’t a bagger to carry my groceries to the car.  But that might have been for the best.  It meant one less person to talk to.  It was already hard enough to tell the cashier I was doing okay without bursting into tears.

And then I checked the mail.  And you know that Gerber’s grow-up program?  Two solicitations.  One flyer, one envelope.  Because that’s really what I needed today.

I really miss her today.  I miss her so much.

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