January 20, 2014
Okay, not really. But the span of time between MLK and Memorial Day is incredibly long. Our paid holidays are Memorial Day, Independence Day, Labor Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, and MLK. Every 6-8 weeks, we get a paid holiday. And then there’s this ginormous gap from January 20 (or thereabouts) to May 30 (or thereabouts). It sometimes feels interminable. The fact that the DD Conference occurs during this span makes it difficult for me to take any extended length of PTO, so if I do take a vacation, it always occurs during the same span of time that we have regular paid holidays.
It’s been okay for the last holiday until Memorial Day. I put off doing my laundry, so I did that this morning. And it’s my dad’s birthday, so we went snowshoeing on the trail and then out to lunch to celebrate.
It’s little things right now. I’ll be okay and then I’ll just find myself crying. Or the lump will return to my throat. Or the nauseating pit will settle in my stomach. I have a lot of friends who are pregnant right now. Or who’ve just had babies. My sponsor tells me that she still feels jealous of them, too, so I know that it’s okay that I feel that way. But that doesn’t mean I like it.
And seeing the babies and toddlers when we were out at lunch… As the hostess was showing us to our table, I just knew she was going to seat us at the booth next to the one with the high chair. And I was right. And my mom started to sit with her back to the high chair. And I said, “Please let me sit on that side.” And she did. And I know she knew why. And I’m sure I was a bit distracted throughout the meal.
And to keep with it being a rough year on my friends (at least those who aren’t going on and on about being pregnant or giving birth – which is perfectly to be expected – I’m just jealous of them), a friend just posted that his father has died. Admittedly, he’s about ten years older than me, but he still isn’t that old. His father wasn’t that much older than mine, in the whole scheme of things.
I’m tired of all the death and funerals. And I’m tired of all the births. I’d like to just go into stasis for a while. No changes. No arrivals and no departures. Let’s just close the airport while we all regain our footing.