An Alarm of Relief

February 23, 2014

My last post said that, all-in-all, it had been a happy week. And while that was true, it didn’t reflect my mood at the time. I was sad on Friday. I didn’t want to be sad. It was my mom’s birthday. But I was sad.

I was so sad that I woke up at 2:30 and cried for over an hour. And I so wish I could have just cried myself to sleep. I have trouble doing that. It’s a breathing issue. It’s hard to cry yourself to sleep when you keep having to blow your nose.

I eventually did fall back asleep. And I woke up feeling drained. And my eyes were still scratchy from the tears. It was shortly before six. Around the time I get up to go to work. (Yes, I’m one of those nerds who really does get up at the same time on the weekend as she does during the week.)

I was lying there, thinking about what needed to be done. Laundry. Cooking for today’s gift exchange. Finishing the straps on my Olympic knitting project. Debating whether I felt like walking over to the fitness center to watch some of the Olympics in the afternoon. And my iPad chirped at me. Just a single alert tone.

It was odd. Who would be texting me at 6am on a Saturday?

I looked at the alarm. It was a reminder from the app I use to track my cycle. My period is supposed to start in two days. (Okay, now one since this all happened yesterday.) And I smiled. Yes, I was still sad, but there were extenuating circumstances. PMS. It hadn’t even occurred to me that I was so close to my period. And, yes, I’m in that app just about every day. Pretty much every day I look at a calendar that shows me just where I am in my cycle. But all I’d really been processing was that my period wasn’t yet. It was somewhere in the future.

Would I have still been sad? Maybe. Probably. But would I have been crying so hard in the middle of the night that I couldn’t sleep because I couldn’t breathe? Maybe not.

P.S. The Olympic knitting is nearly done. Actually, the knitting proper is done. The straps just need to be steam blocked and the buttons sewn on. I’m going over to the finishing fairy’s house to take care of those things. I think my sewing case is in the closet in the nursery. Definitely not going there right now!

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