A State of Flux

March 31, 2014

I’m missing stability right now.  Everything is in between.  My job is in between.  My fertility is in between.  My life is just in between.

We’re almost ready to post the new position so that I can apply for it.  But even then, we don’t know how long it will take before I get promoted.  And even then, we don’t know how long it will be before my position is filled.  So even though we’re almost ready to post the new position, we still don’t know how long it will be before we have two full-time people in my department.

And I have two more weeks to wait until I meet with the obstetrician.  And that meeting may result in having to find a fertility specialist who will work with single women.  And so who knows how long it will be until I can even start trying again?

And I’m tired of waiting.  I’m tired of waiting for us to hire a second full-time person to ease my workload and allow me to focus on making our program everything I know it can be.  I’m tired of waiting to be pregnant again.

I’m tired of living this liminal life.  Let me step through at least one of these doors.  I can only stand on so many thresholds at once.

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