A Rational Fear

February 8, 2015

At my appointment on Friday, Dr Winter asked how I was feeling.

“Scared,” I said.

“Okay,” he replied, ready to reassure me, “of what?”

“That this baby will die, too.” I started to tear up.

So did he. It was the one fear that he knew he couldn’t allay. After all, I’m not scared that this baby will die. I’m scared that this baby will die, too. And he knows that this is a completely rational fear for me to have.

“I’m excited and terrified,” I explained. “All the feels.”

He didn’t say anything to try to make the fear go away. He simply acknowledged that my fear makes sense and that it’s probably getting worse the closer that I get to my due date.

In other words, he said the right things. Because this isn’t a fear that can be allayed until I have my baby alive in my arms. (And then I’ll probably still be scared, just not in quite the same way.)

And a doctor who’s willing to tear up in front of a patient? That’s the kind of doctor I want to keep.

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